did you get engaged???
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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