winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
