He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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