Duck Duck Cougar?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
