I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
