Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
