why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
