I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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