Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
