Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
