Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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