I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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