see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
