So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
