I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
