I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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