She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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