I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
porn star boner night. come get it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
