I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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