Non-Jews are for practice
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
