Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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