Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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