I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
