Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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