i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
