Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
