I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
