god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
