pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
