He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
