God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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