hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
