i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
