Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
