Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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