Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
