so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
