ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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