This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
