I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
