6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
