we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
