another moral hangover. fuck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
