Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
