Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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