just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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