There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You may now shotgun with the bride
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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