I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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