I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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