LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
