Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
