worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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