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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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