I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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