I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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