I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
